I don't want to die
by itsallinthename
Summary: He took one to the chest and now Adam has to let go of everything he loves. MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. Adam POV. Sorry :S
1. Chapter 1

_Will you remember me when the west wind moves,_

_among the fields of barley?_

_You can tell the sun in his jealous sky,_

_when we lie in fields of gold._

Will I be remembered?

Will they mourn for me?

Will they shed a tear?

Will they let me be?

Will I feel a sunrise?

Will I see a shooting star?

Will I get to kiss my one true love?

Will my life go far?

I remember this moment, I had it once before, although I'm pretty sure it was the other way around…I don't remember being the one on the ground, I seem to remember being the one trying to prop her up, trying to keep her breathing. I smile at the man standing above me; I didn't mean it to happen like this… it just sort of did. Can't stop fate though, it just sort of…happens. Don't think I ever realised how hard it was to breathe, how hard it was to keep my heart beating so that blood could pump around my body, and keep me warm. Yes it's so cold now. I don't want to die.

He stands over me, cradling me in his arms; a small tear droplet makes a passage down the side of his face, gently caressing his features, before falling off the end of his chin and lands on me. More fall now. More touch his face. More touch me. I think I'm crying now as well. They say your life flashes before your eyes, but right now all I can think of is everything I won't see, people I won't meet. I see a little girl; she's my little girl, a wife, a beautiful wife. We're taking a holiday in England; we go to see Big Ben, we're smiling. Then it's my baby's wedding day, and everyone is happy. I want to be there, where everyone is happy, not here. I don't want to die.

Opening my eyes I look up at the man, reach a hand up to hold on to him. Maybe if I can hold on to him then I can hold on to life. Am I being selfish, wanting to carry on, wanting to go back to my lab, back to my friends? The man I'm with, I don't really know him that well, he's a detective, but I would like to know more, like to see his life. Breathing is almost impossible, blood is hardly moving. Cold. So cold. I can't move, why can't I move? Everything is going black, everything is going from me. I don't want to die.

I can barely feel the touch of Don's hand in mine, although I think he is squeezing tighter. Maybe he thinks the same as I do if we hold on to each other we can hold on to life. I don't think its working. Breathing becomes a chore, and it's still so cold. Forcefully I keep my eyes open; if I close them they may never open again. It's becoming so difficult, everything is fading. Then Don whispers to me, "take it easy buddy, it's okay. Smile for me buddy, go out with a smile on your face." He attempts a grin and so do I, he nods in approval. I motion for him to come closer because I know these words won't come out very loud,

"I don't want to die, but we all have to some day…so…" I didn't know whether I could say the next word, but I pulled together all my strength. "…goodbye…" Everything is easy now. Closing my eyes and let it come, I couldn't feel Don anymore…I couldn't feel anything. I didn't want to die, but I had not choice.

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**Sorry, firstly for killing off Adam, I love him, but for this one story I thought it would be good... if not sad. Secondly sorry if it seems rushed, I couldn't get a lot of detail in. Thirdly sorry for mistakes, I did proof read. Finally, I may do another chapter in Don's POV but not sure yet.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for such the long wait… I've been very busy with coursework, controlled assessments, mocks, revising for English exams (which is tomorrow and Wednesday ****) so everything else had to take a back seat. So here I go writing this from Don's POV. It runs concurrently with Adam's POV… pretty much!**

**Don's POV**

I was such an idiot, sometimes I wonder why I listen to Adam. He said he wanted to come along, he was interested in the case, he wanted to see the arrest, I knew it was stupid to let he come, but he just turned up and I couldn't really say no to him could I? What happened? Don't ask me that I have no idea. One minute I'm arresting a murderer, next thing I know a gun shot comes from the other room, I turned around and Adam was gone. I knew then. You know when you just know something has happened, time move slowly, you feel your heartbeat pounding in you ears, blocking out all other noise. There is that uncontrollable shaking in your hands. Yeah, I had all that, I race into the back room, it was empty, well apart from Adam. So lifeless, so motionless, blood radiates from his chest, it was obvious he had been shot. I watched as each breath became more laboured, became shallower, before I knew it I was at his side, taking him in my arms. I didn't want him to die.

There was a small grapple at my shirt, but his hand fell back to his side. I took his hand in mine, he didn't seem to feel it so I squeezed tighter, and he squeezed gently back. It was difficult to see him now, my eyes were blurring up, I had told myself wouldn't cry, but I couldn't help it. A tear trickled down the side of my face and landed on him. That was it the gates had opened and now tear after tear fell from me on to him. Soon he was crying as well, I never liked seeing him sad, he just wasn't a sad sort of a person, I wanted to see him smile. "Take it easy buddy, it's okay. Smile for me buddy; go out with a smile on your face." He hears me and starts to smile through the tears, I can see it's difficult for him, but I nod in approval this is the Adam I want to remember, I want to remember that smile and nothing else. I didn't want him to die.

We sat there both trying to smile through the tears. The grip on my hand loosened, so I gripped even tighter, it was pointless, but just the thought of that touch helped me to believe we could get through it. I never was a big believer in a god, but at that moment I prayed. I prayed he would live, but then I realised that wasn't what I wanted, well I did, but more than that I wanted him to feel happy, feel good, and if he survived, would he ever be the same? No I wasn't sure about that. So I prayed instead that whatever happened he would be safe, that his guardian angel would keep him close, whatever the outcome was. I looked down at his still smiling face; it was difficult now to look at him without welling up. I didn't want him to die.

It seemed he was making an attempt to talk, but wanted me to get closer. I leaned in, but careful not to cause any damage. His voice was so soft, it was barely audible, but it seemed the rest of the world had gone silent, they were all holding their breath, because right then there was no other sound except his voice. His voice seemed to echo as it was the only sound in the room; I couldn't even hear my heartbeat anymore. "I don't want to die, but we all have to some day…so…" He stopped and I looked at his face, he seemed ready to break down into tears, then very softly he said, the words I had dreaded I would hear from him, "…goodbye…" Then it was all over, there was a sudden softness in his features. There was peace on his face as he closed his eyes; I knew then that it would be for the final time. I didn't want him to die, but he was with his guardian angel, and now at least he would be safe, and happy.

**I know the ending is rather awful I am so sorry, but I didn't know what else to do. Hope it wasn't too bad ****!**


End file.
